Safe House

It's official, I am the most clueless guy in town. Every time something happens around me and I will be the one completely oblivious of it going around, even when I am not snoozing or even reading! As a result I would have to ask around about something that has already passed. I will be the only guy not knowing what happened to he person sitting right next beside, even if it's something big.

And there I go always cracking some random and sometimes not funny jokes, hoping by some wild luck that I will be able to put a smile on someone's face, anyone's face. And most of the time words just desert me like I have some sort of plague. So usually I'll just be the one sitting silently beside someone who is obviously agonizing over something that I probably could not relate to, nor know how to deal with. The biggest deal is that I don't even have the capacity to share the burdens, probably because of my faults as mentioned above.

And there I will go, thinking a lot about anything and everything that happens to me and the people around me. I have this irrational fear that once I stop thinking about something the gears inside my brain will rust and render my mind useless or something. Quite frequently I hold on to the insignificant things, and it is always the insignificant things that catch my eye. People may throw it right out of the window the second the moment has passed, but here I am, typical of a Cancer, unwilling to let go, even when that something is not mine to lose in the first place.

My current friends would not believe me, but I was not always the way that I am now. I am currently the Kazehaya-kun (self-acclaimed) of the Upper Six circle (though I am far from perfect), but look back far enough in my life and you'll see a fragile boy who is socially awkward and avoided contact with biological beings other than the little collection of friends he already has, not attempting to enlarge the collection any time soon. Now look at me, I might not be much but I have come a long, long way to be the person I am now, to live the life I am living. Sometimes, Mr Annoyed, all it takes is a smile to break the walls between peoples. That is why I smile so often nowadays. There is your answer, if you ever read my blog.

Then there's Mr Athlete whose life is not restricted by books. He showed me a life that is possible, a life that is more happier, possibly healthier. He might never know the effect he has on the people around him, but someone ought to tell him just how nice of a guy he is. He's living the life that I can never even dream to live. It is just like the reflection of Narcissus, so beautiful, but deadly if I ever dare try to attain it.

This blog was a safe house, a place where I can say all the things that I have not the courage to say in real life, to real people. But lately it is not as safe anymore. I tread now in shallow waters, full of its inhabitants who would practically jump at every hint of juicy intel, who would love to do nothing but fill their time misinterpreting the lines and believing them to be the gospel truth and feeling like they know it all. To them I have nothing to say. Quoting words of wisdom, let them be.

So at the end of the day the only thing I can do for the people around me is the thing that I do best - listen, try my best to understand, to empathise, and to offer any help I can give about little, insignificant things. The things even a talking fishbone can do. So, my dear friend, whenever you are ready, I will be here, and there for you, to listen, if nothing else. Do not fear that I might not be able to take it, I have yet to encounter a situation I cannot handle.

A #random quote from Kimi ni Todoke Season 1: I find it hard to interact with people, but today, for the first time, I realize there are so many great people out there.

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know